


The horrible mission

by Vol_Kov



Category: Naruto
Genre: Everyone Needs A Hug, F/F, F/M, I’m my own beta, Slow To Update, try me bitch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:40:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29895048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vol_Kov/pseuds/Vol_Kov
Summary: Basically, the Akatsuki get assigned a mission that in theory, wouldn’t be difficult, but in action, is horrible.
Relationships: Akatsuki & Akatsuki (Naruto)
Comments: 1





	The horrible mission

**Author's Note:**

> Writing this on a phone but I made sure to beta read it.

From inside the dark and dirty house, a loud knock could be heard. From outside the dark and dirty house, shuffling could be heard. “Wow I didn’t know he lived here, the house looks all run down..” The door opened and out came a teen with sliver hair. “Yeah that’s cause I don’t fucking take care of it, fucking idiot. Not like I sleep here, this is just a fucking rendezvous place” 

“Mhm... so it’s not your house?”

“It was my fuck-face mother’s house. Where’re the others Kakuzu?”

The man, who was named Kakuzu, only shrugged. “I know that Deidara and Sasori are heading over here right now. Pein and Konan should be arriving here any minute. I don’t know about Itachi and Kisame.” The sliver headed teen grumbled something and then replied to the man in an annoyed tone, “Well no one is allowed inside until we’re all here.” 

“I don’t even wanna go in there Hidan...” Kakuzu deadpanned. “It smells like a corpse, even from out here.” Hidan had an offended expression on his face.

“Well Jashin-sama wants m-“

“Shut up Hidan.”

“The fuck yo-“

Before Hidan could finish his sentence a loud snap was heard from the forest. Hidan and Kakuzu turned over to see Konan standing at the forest edge. “Pein-sama will not be showing up in person.” The sky was starting to dim a bit. “That’s reasonable..”

“Hey hey Konan why are you wearing heels? Didn’t you walk through the forest? That’s dangerous right?”

Konan seemed annoyed by Hidan, “They don’t bother me, heels aren’t painful.” Konan stated as a rebuttal, and Hidan just whistled in response. “Sasori and Deidara are showing up soon” Konan said in her monotone-ish voice, then started walking towards the house as the smell was slowly setting in. “What’s that disgusting smell..” Hidan only smiled at Konan. “Never mind, I don’t think I want to know...”

“Listen Sasori my man, art is not eternal! Arts is a quick form of emotions that set into your mind all at once and then it slowly fades to dust!! Art is an explosion!”

“No, art is eternal. Brat.”

Deidara let out a dramatic humph. Hidan only scoffed. “Oh no. Looks like the art freaks are here.” Deidara held his nose up a little and made a disgusted face. “What the fuck is that smell?” Sasori shrugged and Hidan grinned. “...maybe I don’t want to know...” 

“I have no sense of smell.”

“I know Sasori.”

“...uhm anyway. Who else is coming.”

Konan turned to Sasori and answered his question. “Zetsu and Tobi are yet to arrive. And Pein-sama will not be showing up in person. Kisame and Itachi will be arriving soon.” Sasori only let out a small hum in response. “When will Zetsu and that hell-spawn show up?” Konan turned to Kakuzu and put a finger to her chin in a thinking motion. “Maybe 10 minutes or so...” 

“...so I guess we can go inside now?”

“...”

“I don’t really wanna go in there”

“Shut up, fucking Arabian looking terrorist. Dumbass pussy ass bitch, motherfucker uncle-fucker crust dusty looking like my small toe lookin’ ass. Your father need a fucking refund on his condom fucking stitches vagina hair lookin’ monster.”

“Ok that’s enough-“

Hidan glared at Deidara. Deidara reeled his head in like a turtle. “Oh hello everyone.” They all turned their heads to see a smiling Kisame and a normally depressed Itachi. 

“Oh hey, what’s up fish sticks.”

“Hidan. Language.” Konan snapped at him. Itachi rubbed his eyes, clearly tired. “Anyways, Zetsu and Tobi are coming soon. Until they arrive let’s just go inside.” Itachi plugged his nose and Kisame quickly shook his head no. “It smells like a corpse from out here.” Hidan snickered. 

“That’s because there is a corps-“

“Corpse?” 

Hidan flinched a little and had a look of despair on his face. He turned around and saw Zetsu. Hidan quickly thought of an idea. 

“Say Zetsu, why don’t you dispose of them?”

Zetsu only nodded. Hidan opened the door and turned around with a smirk on his face. “Now that everyone is here, let’s head into my house.” All of them shuddered but went inside the house, some of them plugging their nose. 

Hidan lead them into a trashed living room with spray paint all over the wall. The couch had a spring sticking out of it and had some ripped fabric. “Mhm hey Zetsu. Where’s Tobi?” Zetsu turned over to Konan.

“Hm.” 

“‘Hm’? What do you mean by that...” Kakuzu stated, clearly confused. Then child-like giggling was heard from Zetsu, but it didn’t look like he was making the noises. Shuffling was heard from underneath Zetsu’s cloak and Tobi popped out from the bottom. 

“Kon'nichiwa min'na!” 

Zetsu had a passive look in his eyes. Deidara bent down to be on eye level with Tobi, who was on the ground. “Was he in the cloak the whole time?” Deidara tapped on his mask. “Yeah I think he was.”

Konan sighed and held her hand up to her face with a frown. “Well, let’s get this started.” Hidan turned around confused. “What started? Do you want to have an orgy or something?” 

Sasori cringed at this thought and Tobi tilted his head in confusion and stood up and stared at Zetsu confused who still had a passive look in his eyes. “Nē Zetsu-San. What’s an orgy?” Zetsu didn’t respond. 

“No I mean... let’s get the meeting started.” 

Kisame looked confused “What about Pein-sama?”

“Pein-sama will not be showing up in person. I will act as his voice.” 

“Hidan. You said you needed me to dispose of bodies. Where are they?” Hidan turned over to look at Zetsu. “The bodies are in the bathroom.” Zetsu slightly nodded. “I will dispose of them after the meeting.”

“Yeah, speaking of the meeting, the reason we came here. Let’s get it started.” Konan had a hint of annoyance in her voice. 

==============

“...”

“Now I understand why he didn’t show up in person. I wouldn’t bashed his head in if he was here. Fucking ass.”

“Hidan let’s not speak of Pein-sama like that.”

The atmosphere in the room was tense, did their leader really just assign them a mission like this? They’ve all gone on S rank missions, but nothing could compare to this. 

“I... don’t agree with this.”

“Humph. I agree with Sasori on this one. Surprisingly...”

“Tobi does not agree!”

Konan sighed. “I don’t agree with it either, but it will benefit us. We will gain lots of information on our enemies.”

“I agree with this. We may be able to capture a tailed one.” Almost everyone glared at Itachi when he said this. “Though being in the act is gonna be difficult... also my... brother might be there.” Konan then spoke up. 

“You can have another job then.”

Itachi stayed silent but agreed with what Konan said. “Konan I’m too old for something like this..” Kakuzu stated. Konan turned to look at Kakuzu “You’re still helping out.” Hidan groaned. 

“I really don’t wanna do this Konan. I mean... do we really have to attend a high school of all things?”

“Silence you dropout.”

Hidan dramatically gasped at Kakuzu’s remark. “Well some of us can have different jobs. Like maybe Itachi and Kakuzu”

“Hey why does Kakuzu and Itachi get a excuse!”  
Deidara knew he didn’t have a good excuse as not to go. “Itachi for personal reasons and Kakuzu for his age.” Itachi dropped his gaze to the table. 

“You guys don’t have to worry that much. Zetsu and Tobi will be doing most of the work. You guys just have to get basic details.”

Tobi huffed and started swinging his legs clearly annoyed with this, while Zetsu on the other hand didn’t seem to care as he was used to information collecting. However, what he wasn’t used to was infiltration. 

“Zetsu, you are best at information collecting. That is why you have no excuse to not go. Same with you Tobi.”

“But Konan-san, we don’t do infiltration! We sneak around!”

Konan hardened her gaze. “Sneaking around is not the most efficient way to get information in this case. Which is why you are attending.”

Tobi huffed again crossed his arms. Zetsu on the other hand seemed quite unfazed. 

“Well, we need to work on your roles in this plan. So let’s decide those while we can.” Konan said pushing a blank sheet of paper forward. 

==============

After around an hour of discussing they finally came up with proper roles for everyone. The paper read :

\- Itachi : Scout, will work on placing stuff like bugs around to school to easily collect more information, but will do so without being seen. 

\- Kisame : Hitman, if someone were to find any information regarding the plan then Kisame will be the one to take them out. 

\- Sasori : Student, he will enter the school as a 3rd year student and collect information. 

\- Deidara : Student, he will enter the school as a 1st year student and collect information. 

\- Tobi : Student and organizer, he will organize information and enter the school to collect information as a 2nd year student. 

\- Zetsu : Student organizer, and disposer, he will organize information and enter the school to collect information as a 3rd year student plus dispose of the trash. 

\- Hidan : Student, he will enter the school as a 1st year student and collect information. 

\- Kakuzu : Scout and hitman, he will secretly collect information like Itachi does and take out anyone who knows too much information. 

\- Konan : Student and organizer, she will organize information and enter the school to collect information as a 3rd year student. 

\- Pein : Student, organizer, and hitman, he will enter the school as a 3rd year student, organize information, and take out anyone who knows too much. 

“All done, can I go home now?”

Konan shot Deidara a glare and looked back at the paper. “One more thing we have to discuss. Kakuzu will also be treating wounds and injuries. So you guys know what that means.” Hidan groaned.

“Greedy whore already burnt my pockets.” 

Konan sighed. “That’s why I’m adding a rule. Kakuzu, you cannot charge people money for healing them.”

Kakuzu mumbles something in his deep voice. “Ok I think Zetsu should take care of the bodies now.” Zetsu turned to Kisame. “Good idea, Kisame-san.” Zetsu softly smiled and stood up to go to the bathrooms were the bodies lay. Tobi shuffled up and followed him happily. 

“Well, you’re all dismissed now. Remember this and make plans for our upcoming event.” 

Everyone got up and quickly left, clearly needing to take a breather outside from the horrible smell. The only people who stayed were Itachi, Hidan, and Konan plus Tobi and Zetsu who were in the other room. 

“Konan-san, may I talk to you?” Konan turned to look at Itachi, “Of course Itachi”

Hidan took note of the situation and quickly left to go with Zetsu and Tobi. 

“I understand this mission may be difficult for you Itachi, considering your brother goes to the school we are entering. I tried to convince Pein-sama to not let you take part in this but he said otherwise. That is why you only have a scout role.”

Itachi sighed and rested his head on the palm of his hand. “Yes, and I thank you for that. I have no right to complain I guess..” 

“Itachi, we can be more flexible with this if you want.”

“No, no. It’s fine you and Pein-sama have been flexible enough. Sorry if I’ve caused trouble.”

Konan smiled softly at Itachi. “You haven’t caused any trouble Itachi, don’t worry.” Itachi felt a bit more happy after that. He slightly smiled and nodded. “Thank you Konan-san, I’ll be going now.”

“Sayōnara Itachi.”

Itachi walked out of the house feeling at least a bit more mentally okay. Then Hidan, Tobi and Zetsu came out of the bathroom. The smell wasn’t gone and Zetsu was rubbing his mouth with a napkin. Hidan was wheezing and slapping Zetsu’s back and telling him he was a freak in a good natured way. Tobi looked happy as always. 

“Itachi just left, Hidan-kun are you going to be staying here?”

Hidan directed his attention towards Konan and frowned. “Of course not, I don’t want no ghosts haunting me in my sleep.” Tobi snickered at Hidan’s remark. Konan stood up. 

“I’ll be going now I guess. It’s 7pm, so you guys should get going too before it gets dark.”

Tobi laughed and then stated, “Nē nē Konan-san, did you know nothing good happens after midnight?” Konan perked up a little at Tobi’s statement. 

“Yes, I know Tobi.”

You didn’t need to see Tobi’s face to know he was smiling. “And we have 5 more hours until midnight. Soo... I’m gonna stay here for a while with Hidan-sempai!” 

Konan facepalmed, “Zetsu-san I know this is a big request but please make sure they don’t do anything bad.” Zetsu nodded, “I was planning on doing that anyway, no need to worry.” 

Konan smiled, “Well, then I’ll be going now. Sayōnara.” 

Tobi waved childishly as she walked out of the house. 

Konan felt the leafs crack under her heals. She’d always wanted a family when she was a child, and now she feels like she has one. Even if they have some issues she adores all of them. She couldn’t wait to get back home to Nagato.


End file.
